A-a-r-d-v-a-r-k

My boyfriend was flipping through channels this morning trying to find the World Cup, and happened upon Arthur. Clearly we (I) decided Arthur was more important than sports, so we stopped to watch it.

At one point in the episode, Muffy’s butler pulled out his cell, and rather than the clunky, Zac Morris-esque brick I was expecting, it turned out to be AN iPHONE.

Now, I was under the impression that this show was firmly rooted in the 90s. Have they continued production since the time I stopped watching it in 1998? Is there a 20 year backlog of episodes I have yet to see? More importantly, is there an updated White House episode where DW straight up chills with Biden and Obama?

I hope so. That’s what the world needs right now.

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Yo Momma

Apparently, Groupon thinks my mom is fat. I got an email with recommendations “JUST for Mom” and they were all liposuction and tummy slimming deals. It’s super fucking rude; they could have just suggested different painting and wine classes, though I guess that would defeat their goal of having her slim down as wine is high in calories.

So now I have to find out where Groupon is based and go fight them. This is not how I was planning on spending my weekend.

Au Revoir

LAZY GIRL POLL:

Am I

A) finally learning to play guitar

or

B) burning off my fingertips so I can fake my own death and run away to live a simple life in the south of France, free from debt and the shackles of modern society once and for all?

Knowing me, it’s really anyone’s guess.

Julie Roberts Ruins Everything

This picture is evidence that I need to go ahead and reset my Netflix password because my mother watching Julia Roberts movies is really screwing up my algorithm, but also, couldn’t this category just be called Middle Aged Women Tilting Their Heads and Looking Dreamily Into the Horizon?

It’s Mrs. Snakehole to You

Today I found myself switching from Neutral Milk Hotel to the Monster Mash station on Pandora and I realized I’m one evil glare away from becoming April Ludgate.

(Actual image of me at work)

This is further solidified by the fact that I will be dressing as Janet Snakehole for Halloween. Life imitating art? I think so.

Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice

Friday was the first day Starbucks officially began selling Pumpkin Spice, and what did I do that morning?  Went out and picked up a Pumpkin Spice iced coffee.

And I grabbed one Saturday morning.  And I had one this morning.

I know you’ll call me basic, but I don’t care.  I love fall.  I love pumpkins and brisk air and scary stories and the gruesomeness of Halloween.  I’m a November baby, a Slytherin-Dragon-Scorpio, Autumn is in my genes.

What’s more, I’ve had an exhausting summer.  No, I didn’t travel the world like all those insta-girls out there, posting pictures in Thailand one week and Paris the next.  The most traveling I did was to urgent care; one week picking up antibiotics for a UTI, the next for a girl-infection the antibiotics caused.  Two weeks later, I would return to treat the UTI that never fully went away, rinse, repeat.

So really, you can’t blame me for jumping head-first into the nearest pile of leaves.  I am ready to be done with the stagnancy of summer, the unattainable beach body, the suffocating heat–I already sweat in my sleep, I don’t need 100 degree temperatures to add to the problem.

I’m ready to break out my mustard sweaters and plum lipsticks, ready to binge on bratwursts and beer at Oktoberfest.  I eagerly await curling up to Halloween 1, Halloween 2 and Rob Zombie’s take on the classic film, which against all odds, I am not disgusted by.  I want to make tikka masala and meatloaf and soup and drink my pumpkin spice coffees sans judgment.

Because in the end, aren’t we all a little basic?  You summer girls can have your hot dog leg beach photos and Taco Tuesdays and I’ll stick with my scary moviethons and trips to the pumpkin patch, knowing in my heart that I am the one with superior tastes.

Spoken like a true Slytherin-Dragon-Scorpio.