Julie Roberts Ruins Everything

This picture is evidence that I need to go ahead and reset my Netflix password because my mother watching Julia Roberts movies is really screwing up my algorithm, but also, couldn’t this category just be called Middle Aged Women Tilting Their Heads and Looking Dreamily Into the Horizon?

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It’s Mrs. Snakehole to You

Today I found myself switching from Neutral Milk Hotel to the Monster Mash station on Pandora and I realized I’m one evil glare away from becoming April Ludgate.

(Actual image of me at work)

This is further solidified by the fact that I will be dressing as Janet Snakehole for Halloween. Life imitating art? I think so.

Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice

Friday was the first day Starbucks officially began selling Pumpkin Spice, and what did I do that morning?  Went out and picked up a Pumpkin Spice iced coffee.

And I grabbed one Saturday morning.  And I had one this morning.

I know you’ll call me basic, but I don’t care.  I love fall.  I love pumpkins and brisk air and scary stories and the gruesomeness of Halloween.  I’m a November baby, a Slytherin-Dragon-Scorpio, Autumn is in my genes.

What’s more, I’ve had an exhausting summer.  No, I didn’t travel the world like all those insta-girls out there, posting pictures in Thailand one week and Paris the next.  The most traveling I did was to urgent care; one week picking up antibiotics for a UTI, the next for a girl-infection the antibiotics caused.  Two weeks later, I would return to treat the UTI that never fully went away, rinse, repeat.

So really, you can’t blame me for jumping head-first into the nearest pile of leaves.  I am ready to be done with the stagnancy of summer, the unattainable beach body, the suffocating heat–I already sweat in my sleep, I don’t need 100 degree temperatures to add to the problem.

I’m ready to break out my mustard sweaters and plum lipsticks, ready to binge on bratwursts and beer at Oktoberfest.  I eagerly await curling up to Halloween 1, Halloween 2 and Rob Zombie’s take on the classic film, which against all odds, I am not disgusted by.  I want to make tikka masala and meatloaf and soup and drink my pumpkin spice coffees sans judgment.

Because in the end, aren’t we all a little basic?  You summer girls can have your hot dog leg beach photos and Taco Tuesdays and I’ll stick with my scary moviethons and trips to the pumpkin patch, knowing in my heart that I am the one with superior tastes.

Spoken like a true Slytherin-Dragon-Scorpio.

Target or Not Target, That Is the Question

My boyfriend recently made fun of me, which was pretty weird because usually I’m the one making fun of him.  I was complaining to him about the delay on my package from Target.  When he asked what I was waiting for, I told him–foil, mascara, shampoo, drano, every little household item I was too busy* to go out and buy.  Now, I’m not one to go and throw around the “shaming” word, but the look he gave me and the ensuing, seemingly endless laughter will stick with me for quite some time.

Regardless, he got me to thinking.  Maybe it was silly of me, buying foil from the internet, especially when the day I bought it was the day I immediately needed it.  I was hosting Girl’s Night Handmaid’s Tale Bingeathon, and was forced to cook our Trader Joe’s flatbreads directly on the cookie sheets.  I LITERALLY had to put the flatbreads STRAIGHT on the pans, dirtying them, forcing me to have to wash them later rather than just throwing them back in the oven after a cursory wipe with a paper towel.  When will the inconveniences end?

Today I decided enough was enough and stopped at Target on my way home from the gym.  And that’s when I realized just why I was right all along, as always, SUCK IT, JOHN.  While I went in for a $3.99 item, I ended up leaving with $54.67 of merchandise.  I passed the clothes on my way to the kitchen supplies and remembered that I was running low on clean underwear and was too busy** to do the laundry.  I threw some in the cart.  I saw the clearance and while leafing through, I found a shirt for $2.40 (not complaining about this one, just wanted to show off my sweet deal).  I threw that in the cart.  From there, the Siren song of the wine aisle pulled me in, followed by the 2 for $5 ice cream, and before I knew it, I was upstairs, getting a scooper for my Caramel Cone Swirl, some adorable baby mason jars, and a gorgeous bronze and pink mug as a treat to myself for how hard I work.***

  

i deserrrrrrve itttttt
 So not to shame the shamer, but clearly I was right and will be sticking to online ordering for the forseeable future.

* lazy
** lazy
*** I really don’t.