It’s Mrs. Snakehole to You

Today I found myself switching from Neutral Milk Hotel to the Monster Mash station on Pandora and I realized I’m one evil glare away from becoming April Ludgate.

(Actual image of me at work)

This is further solidified by the fact that I will be dressing as Janet Snakehole for Halloween. Life imitating art? I think so.

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Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice

Friday was the first day Starbucks officially began selling Pumpkin Spice, and what did I do that morning?  Went out and picked up a Pumpkin Spice iced coffee.

And I grabbed one Saturday morning.  And I had one this morning.

I know you’ll call me basic, but I don’t care.  I love fall.  I love pumpkins and brisk air and scary stories and the gruesomeness of Halloween.  I’m a November baby, a Slytherin-Dragon-Scorpio, Autumn is in my genes.

What’s more, I’ve had an exhausting summer.  No, I didn’t travel the world like all those insta-girls out there, posting pictures in Thailand one week and Paris the next.  The most traveling I did was to urgent care; one week picking up antibiotics for a UTI, the next for a girl-infection the antibiotics caused.  Two weeks later, I would return to treat the UTI that never fully went away, rinse, repeat.

So really, you can’t blame me for jumping head-first into the nearest pile of leaves.  I am ready to be done with the stagnancy of summer, the unattainable beach body, the suffocating heat–I already sweat in my sleep, I don’t need 100 degree temperatures to add to the problem.

I’m ready to break out my mustard sweaters and plum lipsticks, ready to binge on bratwursts and beer at Oktoberfest.  I eagerly await curling up to Halloween 1, Halloween 2 and Rob Zombie’s take on the classic film, which against all odds, I am not disgusted by.  I want to make tikka masala and meatloaf and soup and drink my pumpkin spice coffees sans judgment.

Because in the end, aren’t we all a little basic?  You summer girls can have your hot dog leg beach photos and Taco Tuesdays and I’ll stick with my scary moviethons and trips to the pumpkin patch, knowing in my heart that I am the one with superior tastes.

Spoken like a true Slytherin-Dragon-Scorpio.

Falling Into Place

Fall is the best time of year. It brings 

1) Pumpkins

2) The much underrated color, orange.

3) General coziness. 

4) Coziness meaning laziness.

5) Scary movies. 

6) Okay, only a certain level of scary movies. 

7) Like, my best friend loves Rob Zombie and his wife and would marry them both in a blood-soaked, human-sacrificial ceremony if the law permitted, but I can’t deal with him or his films because he pretty much recreates my nightmares on screen.

8) So when I say scary movies, I mean thrillers and the classics like Psycho or Halloween (which, let’s be real, is the best horror film of all time). 

9) Or I also love that real kitschy shit like Pet Semetary 2 and Tales From the Darkside.

10) Okay, goddamn Gina, focus.

11) What I started this post to say was I love Autumn because it’s amazing for a lot of reasons but this year is going to be especially wonderful because of the amount of gigantic books coming out. After 10ish years, Jonathan Safran Foer has a new novel. Zadie Smith is going to be back in the game.  Ian McEwan is gracing us with his presence.  Maria Semple is serving up something new. And to top it all off, Bryan Cranston and Anna Kendrick are giving us mere mortals a glimpse into their lives. 

12) So basically, I’m gonna John Milton-it and read myself blind. 

13) Which could in and of itself be a horror movie, if not a really, really boring one.

BOO-tiful

I was at Target the other day, and I came across some really adorable plain wooden letters.  I know some of you are thinking, “how can plain wooden letters be adorable?”  To you I say, you obviously have never seen other plain wooden letters. These wood blocks are to others on the market what Kendall Jenner is to her sisters–sleek, elegant, and not super fucked up in comparison.  Here’s a visual–at Michael’s, you can choose between this guy who is a nice font, but made of paper maiche, something that should have no place in this world outside of a middle school science fair:


Or this guy, who I don’t even need to generate an insult for, because look at it:


Even Comic Sans would be embarrassed to have this hanging in its home.  And lastly, you got this pasty mess, courtesy of Joann’s:

What the hell is going on here.
So obviously, when I found a good one, I had to invest in it.  Because it’s Halloween or, more accurately, because I’m obsessive about Halloween, I bought myself a “B” and two “O”s, picked up some orange, white, black, and gold paints from Michael’s for only $1 a pop (they may have dropped the ball on letters, but are still clutch on all other craft supplies), and headed home to decorate.

I don’t have a palette because I’m not a real artist–in fact, I literally had to google “thing artists put paint on” to find out what to call that–which is actually a really common google search–I only had to type “thing art” and it came right up–


See, I’m not lying, it’s true–so I’m not dumb–I just don’t remember stuff I learned in high school art class–or ever.

Anyway, since I’m not fancy enough to own/know of a palette, I just ripped open an empty Digiorno box I had from the night before and, voila, instant, makeshift palette.  You know, this is actually a pretty great display of my resourcefulness, recycling something most would see as useless.  That’s pretty cool of me.

Onto the letters.  I didn’t really have much of a theme in mind; all I knew was that I wanted them to be different patterns, but have the same color scheme.  After playing around, I ended up with an ombred B, one chevroned O, and one polka-dotted O.


Ugh, too cute.  Because they’re the greatest letters of all, the bottoms are just flat enough for you to be able to stand them up; I put mine on our game/book shelving unit next to a jar of candy corn.


At $4 a piece, the letters were a little pricier than some, but sometimes you need to invest in nice things.  Embrace the Halloween spirit, girl.  TREAT yo’self.