I’ve Been Searsuckered!

Last weekend my sister and I were both craving a good brunch and a good drunk.  Or, I guess in layman’s terms, just a good brunch.  Being the insufferable foodies that we are, we wanted to try something a little different, something a little more upscale.  A former coworker of mine had mentioned how great Searsucker was.  “It’s really cheap for all you can drink Mimosas!”  He had told me.

“Oh yeah?”

“And the food is great!”

“Well, it’s owned by Brian Malarkey.  Can’t be bad.”

“Yeah.  The mimosa brunch is juuust great,” he repeated.

“I bet.  What’d you order?”  I asked.

“Eh, I dunno, something with eggs.  I drank so much.”

“Nice.  Got your money’s worth.”

“Yeah; took a power nap, and now I’m here!”

Now that I think about it, it was probably the four plus hours of bottomless champagne that fueled his enthusiasm.  However, the menu sounded great, the owner is a former Top Chef finalist, and I heard the mimosas were a steal.  So when Saturday rolled around, we set out for Searsucker.

After a slightly dangerous and politically-charged Uber ride (sorry, James, but I don’t see Carly Fiorina as our next president, and could you please quit turning around and keep your eyes on the damn road?!), we arrived at our destination.  Once seated, I turned immediately to the drink menu.  I was devastated to find the all-you-drink mimosas I had heard so much about were $20.  Twenty whole dollars!  I could buy five bottles of Andre for that price!  Dismayed, I decided to order just a single one to start; that turned out to be the right call as our server, though friendly and very personable, only came by to check on us once.  Twenty dollars for two mimosas would have been criminal.

My go-to brunch food is a benedict, and after seeing the Green Eggs and Ham, I knew that it would be mine.

More like GREENS and eggs and ham.

I know what you’re thinking, because it’s exactly what I was thinking when it was set down in front of me–why is there a salad when there should be potatoes?  Or maybe it’s the second thought I had–why is there only one?   Or perhaps my final, I’m paying $14 for this?  Correct me if I’m wrong, but customarily, one receives two benedicts per order; it’s kind of an unspoken rule.  The menu is written very sparingly (the description for this was “nestled egg + pork belly + brioche + herbs”) so though it wasn’t stated outright, I assumed it would come with the standard two, the way I assumed it would be dressed with a hollandaise and that the food would be cooked.  I also dumbly thought potatoes or fruit OR ANYTHING BUT A SALAD WOULD ACCOMPANY IT BECAUSE WHY WOULD A SALAD COME WITH BREAKFAST, BRIAN?!

After my initial upset, I took a deep breath and dug in.  Now if you looked closely at the photo I provided, you may have already noticed my next disappointment: the pork belly was severely overcooked.  I expected my fork to slice effortlessly through the buttery soft, lusciously fatty meat, but alas, I was met with undue resistance. Eventually, I gave up and resorted to using a knife.  A knife!  On pork belly!  That to me, a lover of all things pork, was just hurtful.

To be fair, the flavors were pretty great–the hollandaise being one of the best I’ve ever had, perfectly salted and herbaceous; the buttery brioche serving as a great foundation for the dish–but $14?  For a single benedict and a handful of lightly dressed greens there to fill the plate and trick me into thinking I didn’t just get served a single benedict for $14?  Unacceptable.

Katy, being the more practical/intelligent of us Leenerts sisters, opted for a hearty Corned Beef Hash, and I was glad she did; after my meager serving, she gave me some of her potato scraps.

Clearly, someone’s going through an arugula phase.

After eating, I felt slightly taken advantage of, and was ready for a place more honest and comfortable.  Katy decided upon Half Door Brewing, and I am so glad she did. Built to look like an old two-story house and being half a block from Petco Park, it has a comforting, Old Time American feel to it.  Katy and I took a shady table on the second story deck and, lulled by this homey atmosphere, spent an hour and a half ordering drink after drink and discussing the finer things in life, like Game of Thrones and how Drake could do better than Serena Williams (no shade intended).

Some booze with a view.

Alcohol, sunshine, and a beautiful view–I’ll take that over a single benedict any day.